I used to live in a state of constantly feeling anxious.
I had so much love to give, but I didn’t truly love myself.
I never felt enough or worthy. I didn’t trust that love would last; fearing that the people I love would leave me.
I’ve come a long way. I know I have a beautiful light and incredible purpose that I’m bringing to life.
I’ve come to deeply love my bright big heart. I love my life.
But the feeling of anxiety comes back periodically; trying to keep me safe.
Emotions are wisdom of the body.
I know when I act out of integrity or alignment, I feel anxious. I feel shame and guilt. I feel the wrongness in my actions.
I’ve grown in the sense that I am able to acknowledge my actions and seek forgiveness from others. I try to see the lessons and wisdom from my actions and give myself forgiveness.
But even though I’ve received forgiveness from others, my heart still doesn’t feel whole in those situations. And what I’ve come to learn now is that although I’m acknowledging those parts of me; I am not fully loving those parts of me. I’m still trying to prove my worthiness and seeking the acceptance from other people for what I’ve done. Relying on others to feel ok and to be ok.
Acceptance and forgiveness from others is beautiful and it contributes to feeling safe and being able to be and express ourselves. But to go forward feeling free in the world to shine our light and feel whole and safe; we must give ourselves that love and acceptance we crave from others.
My new practice is when the feeling of having done wrong, made a mistake or acted out of integrity, I’ll first seek understanding and provide love and forgiveness to myself rather than jumping to asking that of others. Then if it’s necessary to ask for forgiveness from others, I can ask that without relying on their answer to be ok. I can go forward knowing that I am loved, enough and worthy; regardless if they can offer me acceptance, forgiveness or love. What’s most important, is that I unconditionally love myself.
A beautiful way to do this is to connect with your inner child.
Close your eyes and envision your younger self. Bring to mind the situation or feeling that you feel bad about. And have a conversation with your inner child; reparenting yourself. Give that child unconditional love, fully accepting that child as they are, as they were and as they will be. What do you wish you were told as a child? What do you wish someone would say to you regarding the situation? What does your inner child want?
I had a beautiful conversation with myself; holding my heart and welcoming in the dark parts of my being.
My inner child likes to held close, and told “I love you, just as you are. You are enough. You are worthy. I’ll always love you. I’ll always be here for you. You are safe with me. You are safe.”
We are not perfect. And we are not meant to be perfect.
Take a look at nature. Next time you go for a walk in a forest, look at the trees and circle of life all around you. Twisting, turning, decaying, and growing. Nature is beautifully imperfect with all its shapes, forms, colours, and ever evolving cycle of life. We are a part of nature. We are beautifully imperfect; unique beings apart of a greater oneness.
I invite you to create a safe space for yourself, and connect with your inner child. Welcome in the dark parts of your soul. Hold them together with love. Let yourself be seen as who you are right now. And let yourself be whole heartedly unconditionally loved. You are always enough and always worthy. You are here for a reason. Let yourself be fully seen and fully loved.
A mantra I wrote that supports being yourself and allowing yourself to be fully loved:
When people see the real me; I attract real love.
I invite you to use this mantra and/or create your own. You may wish to tell yourself every morning and every night what you wish you were told as a child.
WIth Peace and Love
Kirsten
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