Monday brought joy and struggle.
I chose to ski Awasae trail. A steep, challenging hiking trail. But it was what my soul was called to do.
Skinning up was hard. I felt uncoordinated and the snow conditions sucked. It was thick and melting. (I will add that there were no avalanche conditions in this area)
But I embraced the struggle and soon it became much easier to maneuver through the trees and up the mountain on skis.
The trail was easy to follow until the second lookout. But it felt much more adventurous without foot prints to follow.
It was incredibly difficult to steer myself going downhill. I couldn’t get control over my skis in the current snow conditions.
When I got to the steep downhill section of the trail, I figured I’d try taking off my skins and switching my touring skis to downhill and give it a go.
It would have been difficult to ski downhill in the snow conditions to begin with. But to add a winding trail with trees and rocks, it felt impossible. But I was determined and wanted so badly to ski. I tried a couple more times. Some runs were good, some not so good. I realized this wasn’t a great idea. I was falling. I was hurting. I was struggling.
So I said to myself – I gave it a go, but I’ve had enough – its time to hike down this steep section. I knew it was probably my last time skiing this year, but it just makes me more excited to get back out next year.
So I put my skis on my pack and hiked, sinking down past my knees in the snow.
I thought so many times I’m done. I’m done. I don’t want to do this anymore.
But I didn’t have an option. Well I mean we always have a choice – and yeah I could have stayed right where I was for as long as I wanted – but I’d freeze and go hungry at some point.
So I trekked onward. I put one foot in front of the other, with my skis bashing me in the head. And contemplated why I thought this was a good idea. Why did I do this. Why. Why. Why.
I got through the steep part and figured it’d be much faster and more enjoyable to go back to touring.
The last few km were smooth sailing. My feet killed. My back hurt. I felt wrecked and exhausted but the skiing was smooth.
When I finished the trail I didn’t have my usual feeling I get after doing something challenging and completing it. I wasn’t on any high. I didn’t feel accomplished. I just felt tired.
I made dinner in my van. Physically and emotionally exhausted. I questioned why I did that to myself.
But I realized I learned a lot from it. I learned that I can gain the skills and education to be able to better assess and handle skiing in the mountains.
I want to train my endurance better. I want to learn more about snow. And I want to continue to do things that are a struggle – to get back into embracing the suck. Doing things that are hard creates resilience within us. And I’ve gotten so comfortable lately. But comfort doesn’t instill as much growth as challenge and discomfort does. So I’m going to keep doing things that are hard. I’m going to keep making mistakes so I can learn (safely). And I’m going to keep moving forward with love and gratitude.
This trip has been incredible so far. In just a few days I’ve done so much.
Step out of your comfort zone.
Challenge yourself.
Do something that sucks.
Do something that scares you.
Do something that’s hard.
And you will always learn from it.
And you will build resilience in the process.
Peace and Love,
Kirsten
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